August 4, 2007

The Rub of the Shrub: Chapter 1

It was a cold winter day in 2009 when Jeremy started his journey. Walking his dog, he called Gary on a whim.

As Murphy's Law would have it, God decided to take a shit just as Gary's phone started ringing. Jeremy fumbled off his gloves, pulled a baggie out of his coat pocket and cradled the too-small-to cradle cell on his shoulder, holding the leash in one hand while he did hid doggie pick-up duty with the other. Jeremy briefly thought of the joke about aliens observing this scene and concluding that humans were the slaves of dogs when Gary answered.

Hey Jer. Been a while.

Yea. Thought it was time to catch up.

And they did. Work, family, friends, Gary's law school. Finally Jeremy popped the question.

So, now that you're a lawyer, are you going to help prosecute the Shrub for war crimes?

Just making idle conversation. Gary laughed and Jeremy felt a little silly. Gary replied,

I was thinking more along the lines of 'crimes against the peace.'

This wasn't totally lost on Jeremy, though he wasn't quite sure exactly what that meant. Gary continued, beginning to change the subject.

So, whaddya think about the new administration?

New boss. Same as the old boss, I guess. But Jeremy wasn't quite ready to let the last topic drop.

No really. I don't mean be the lead prosecutor. How can we let the Shrub get away with ... everything?

There was a pause on the other end.

Look. He's a fucking ass hole. A fuck'n disgrace to the Country. He should be tried. But it ain't gonna happen. I mean, come on.

Yea, well, Biden said don't worry about whether we impeach him, we can prosecute him for war crimes.

Biden isn't President.

Maybe that's to our advantage. These guys get into office and ... they go conservative. Biden's on the outside.

Well, if you hear Biden talking it up, let me know. At which point the conversation drifted to another topic.

Later that day, Jeremy spoke with his dad. He had apparently hit a deer... again.

Guess I should check my e-mail more often, Jeremy said, feeling guilty about his lack of family contact, living on opposite coasts. Everyone was alright, but Jeremy was reminded of the elderly couple whom he'd met in Colorado, visiting his grandparents, who were killed in a head-on while trying to miss a deer or elk. He shuddered. Then he popped the question.

His father's response was a bit more supportive than Gary's. He didn't change the subject.

If I could see the Shrub get convicted for war crimes before I go to my grave, I'd feel very satisfied. To which he followed up. Look. It's not healthy to be vindictive, but here's a case where I'd make an exception, to which they both laughed.

Jeremy asked his dad if he was aware that Senator Biden had once made reference to war crimes prosecution as an option in the face of impeachment being off the table. His dad seemed to recall something along those lines. Jeremy followed up,

And Congressman Naylor, I forget his first name, represents Manhattan I think,

Jerry his dad offered.

Jerrold... Nadler. That's it. I think he was the chairman of some subcommittee, something to do with the constitution... I think it's part of the Judiciary Committee. I heard him on a podcast, and he was asked about Impeachment of the Shrub. His response was clear. He said the Shrub should be prosecuted.

You'll have to get passed his Praetorian guard first. He didn't realize how prescient those words were.

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